it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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