Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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