Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
