Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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