Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize