Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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