i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
