Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
