So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
