so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
