she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
