Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
