Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
