He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
