ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
