I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
