I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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