He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
