Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
