what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
