just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
