if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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