we have officially lost it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
