you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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