Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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