Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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