Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
