I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
