I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
