I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
