the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
