She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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