Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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