Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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