You really coming over, don't trick.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
