Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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