I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
