This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was confusing and full of hummus
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Please don't give away my fajitas
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