why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
