Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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