I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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