Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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