some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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