Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
