Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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