it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
