I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
