WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
