It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
