Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you inspire me to be a worse person
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
