How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
