Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(810): View more from Michigan

Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now

(810): View more from Michigan

But I don't think guys love me

Fav 3 1017 1105
share tweet
(602): View more from Arizona

i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...

Fav 10 2539 964
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino

Fav 8 941 3270
share tweet
(650): View more from California

I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.

Fav 31 6483 2369
share tweet
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(815): View more from Illinois

I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen

Fav 27 2667 2645
share tweet
(763): View more from Minnesota

The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.

Fav 26 1332 5403
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(860): View more from Connecticut

The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.

Fav 14 1610 4654
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."

Fav 2 786 492
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(805): View more from California

I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone

Fav 3 67 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT