Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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