you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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