I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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