I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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