I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
