hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
