you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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