Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
