Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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