I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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