You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
