We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize