She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
