i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Randomize
