i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
