I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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