I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
