The maid of honor just puked.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
