either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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