he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
