his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
