Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this beer tastes like vomit already
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
