I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
