i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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