I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
