Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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