I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
