I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
