Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
