Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
