Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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