no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Randomize
