I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
