I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
